Fail (but not a failure)

The word failure has many definitions when you look it up online. But when you experience it yourself, you begin to create your own definition—one that feels deeply personal. It varies for everyone, but can easily become a rabbit hole that keeps us from turning the page towards the next chapter of our lives.

I’m not a counselor or therapist, so I can only speak from my own experience. I’ve had my share of failures: missed goals, failed exams, job rejections, lost friendships, hurt family members, and financial setbacks. Some sting more than others.

One author I’ve been reading said that the bigger the risk or ambition, the heavier the failure—and he’s right. Failing a test or missing a home run can be tolerable, something we brush off in a few days. But the personal ones—the ones tied to the people we love—are harder to make sense of. When you lack honesty with your partner, offend a relative, or lie to a best friend, those moments cut deep.

I don’t think I’m alone in wishing I could go back and fix things. But we can’t. Reality doesn’t bend backward. What’s done is done. It’s up to us to face it for what it is. Many people I know avoid shining light on their failures. Others hope time will simply make them fade. I’m guilty of that, too. A close friend once told me, “We store a lot of sh*t inside of us, and it’s scary to open that door.” But the only way to move past what’s inside is to face it.

Never really had a counselor (though I’m not against the idea), but I’ve always believed that the person who knows you best is yourself. So why not look inward? Explore your thoughts, mindset, and character. Find those mental cobwebs and start clearing them out. That said, I’ll admit—I always feel lighter when I talk to someone. So maybe a therapist is in my future. Who knows?

Not all is lost when failure knocks on your door. For me, it often reveals parts of myself I didn’t know existed—sometimes fear, pride, or denial. It can be overwhelming, but failure doesn’t define us. It propels us toward what’s next. Life’s setbacks—whether small stumbles or big faceplants—can come from others or our own mistakes. The key is to give yourself grace while working through forgiveness, whether you’re offering it or receiving it. Don’t get stuck in the pit of defeatism. As the Brits say, “Chin up.” Don’t conceal it—confront it. Get dirty if you have to. Revisit those scars, get honest, dust yourself off, and rebuild a new version of you—one rooted in growth and humility.

Sharing this is not to make myself feel better, but to peel back a layer of the mask—to show a more human side. Like many of us, we’re just trying to get through this life the best way we can. Seize the time, seize the moment, seize the opportunity. Si se puede.