Growth ⬆️

Everyone goes through a rough patch. No exceptions. But what is optional is staying stuck in it. And honestly, many of us can end up there—not because we want to, but because our minds keep pulling us back to that stage.

It’s easy to get trapped replaying old situations, mistakes, or painful moments. The problem isn’t that those things happened—it’s that we keep reliving them. Over time, that loop starts to chip away at our self-trust. We stop believing we’re capable of handling what’s in front of us, so we focus on what we can’t control instead. Other people. The past. Circumstances. Complaining about those things feels easier than admitting we might have some power here.

And that’s how a rough experience turns into a pattern.

When we keep reopening old wounds, we start telling ourselves a “contamination story.” Everything gets filtered through what went wrong. Our attention stays on the outside—what someone said, how they treated us, what we should’ve done differently, or even what we see online. The result? Feeling powerless. But the moment we turn inward, things shift. We may not control everything, but we do control our thoughts, our reactions, and what we choose to do next. That’s where change actually happens.

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, I messed this up, I’m not enough, or I always fail, pause for a second and ask: Okay… what now?
What’s done is done. Beating yourself up won’t change it. This is usually when the word should shows up—what you should have known, should have done, should be doing by now. And let’s be real, should just feels heavy. It’s bossy. It makes us shut down.

Try swapping it for could.

What could I do next?
That small change opens things up. It shifts you out of the victim mode and into problem-solving. Whether you’re dealing with a breakup, a job loss, or something that just didn’t work out, could makes room for options instead of blame.

That pause—the space between what happened and what you choose next—is powerful.

Some psychologists talk about two types of stories we tell ourselves: contamination stories and redemptive stories. In contamination stories, the bad stuff defines us. We carry it everywhere and let it shape how we see ourselves and the world. In redemptive stories, the hard moments actually lead to growth. They don’t disappear, but they mean something different.

The difference isn’t the experience—it’s the story you attach to it.

If you don’t trust yourself to change your story, life starts to feel like an uphill battle. Past mistakes turn into proof that you’re not good enough instead of lessons you learned from. It’s exhausting, and it makes it harder to feel inspired or hopeful.

But here’s the good part: you’re not stuck with the story you’ve been telling yourself.

You can’t change what happened—but you can change what it means. You can focus on what you learned, how you grew, and how those experiences shaped you into someone stronger and more aware. The real power isn’t in fixing the past. It’s in deciding how much control it gets over you moving forward.

And that choice? It’s always available.

Learning from other people can be incredibly powerful. I’ve noticed that some of my biggest lessons about myself have come from the people I once saw as the hardest to deal with—the ones who challenged me, frustrated me, or even stirred up resentment. When we really commit to being honest with ourselves and others, something shifts. We become more patient. Our reactions slow down. The urge to fire back disappears. That space gives us room to admit we don’t have all the answers—and that’s where real growth starts.

I’ve already made peace with some people I’ve hurt in the past or didn’t fully acknowledge when I should have. That doesn’t mean every relationship ends on a feel-good note, though. Sometimes growth means setting boundaries, creating distance, or laying down clear expectations so we can protect our own balance. That’s part of the process too. It’s a place where we can learn, recognize what needs to change, and then step back if needed—without guilt.

That doesn’t mean I’m shutting people out. I’m still open. My door is always open to anyone who wants real conversation, honest feedback, or even uncomfortable truths. I genuinely welcome it. Knock on my door anytime (24/7—unless I’m at work 😅), call me, or grab coffee with me. It’s not about making myself feel better—it’s about honoring people, their perspectives, and their worth.

I’ve asked for honest opinions from people close to me and from complete strangers. Some doors closed for good. Others stayed open because they were willing to tell me the truth without sugarcoating it. Some of it stung. Some of it was easier to hear. Either way, it all mattered. When you make peace within yourself, you move forward without regret and with a quiet kind of confidence. And if those people ever cross my path again, I welcome them—not because I want conflict, but because I’d rather have understanding than enemies.

As we continue the path of personal growth, we will inevitably encounter a variety of responses and feedback—some encouraging, others discouraging. People may notice a change in you that generally can come from a non-supportive opinion. That is okay, however never allow someone else’s discomfort to prevent you from continuing your journey of improvement. Those who are meant to support us will remain by our side, even if the process challenges relationships with family or close friends. A good way to combat that would be to say: ‘thanks for noticing’ or ‘thanks for your feedback’. This usually prevents you from undermining or doubting yourself. Often, what we perceive as criticism is not really malice. It’s simply a result of misunderstanding, busyness, or lack of awareness. And in truth, replying with thanks for observing doesn’t come from a place of revenge, doesn’t come from a place of proving yourself, it isn’t retaliation, it isn’t validation, it’s not looking for praise or approval.

Remember, not everyone will understand your journey, and that’s okay. Responding with grace allows you to protect your peace, focus on your growth, and continue evolving without being weighed down by others’ perceptions.