Habits
This topic is a bit of an eye-opener—there’s lessons learned, maybe a little pain—but I think it’s worth it. With the start of a new year, a fresh path, a new job, higher goals, and a routine that finally includes regular exercise, I feel like this post is coming at the right time (practice what you preach Jorgito). I decided to write about this because it connects to a book I was gifted, whose author also appeared on a podcast I happened to listen to. If you know me, you know I’ll read almost anything that comes my way or recommended. So far, it’s been incredibly rewarding—truly edifying. We all have those experiences—good, bad, or somewhere in between—and we carry them with us. So why not take a moment to better understand how we process life’s events?
So, what is a habit? It’s a repetitive behavior that is automatic and occurs subconsciously due to frequent repetition, occurring with little or no conscious thought. It can be a positive thing (like exercising) or negative thing (smoking). It involves a trigger, a routine action, and a reward, forming a loop that makes the behavior easier and more likely to occur over time.
Wasn’t aware of this but most bad habits have nothing to do with discipline, but more so with structures lived inside. Because we develop bad habits doesn’t mean we’re a bad person; seems we have them due to invisible patterns we were never taught to notice. A habit isn’t something you have to accept as part of who you are. You are not your habits. You may be shaped by them, defined by them, but they do not make you. He’s lazy, she is spoiled, he’s a drunk, she is a cheat, he is a jerk, etc. No, you are not them. The habits leading to that is what defines it, not the identity.
So why is it so hard to break bad habits? Many of us may resort to them as a character flaw. But from what I learned, it’s more of an emotional escape. We think of it like this: Bad Habit=Bad Person. As if we had bad upbringings, bad background, bad company, etc. But a bad habit is more of a subconscious response. Something you can learn and train because you’re not trapped with it. I learned a bad habit can be a triggered loop, a recurring dopamine pattern, a story you carry for years and years. The good news is you can change it. You can alter it.
If we notice em, we have the ability to break them. We are what we repeatedly do. The interesting thing is that we hardly ever focus on our repeated actions, thoughts, beliefs and values. Kinda like auto pilot. Afterwords, we expect something remarkable, manifesting or random thing to happen that will change the course in our lives, when it’s all about our habits.
For the longest time I didn’t know you can’t repair bad habits by fighting them. I always tried to do this by efforts that lead me nowhere. You fix them by understanding what they’re doing for you. A habit has its purpose i.e.
scrolling=diversion
overindulging=relief
procrastination=guard
overworking=evasion
people pleasing=fear of rejection.
I’m understanding that what is needed to change is the strategy. If you want to refrain from eating sweets or soda, ask what exactly is consuming that stuff doing for you? What is the habit? What is the loop? What are the triggers? What’s the motivation that you turn to that for? You can keep thinking: I don’t want to do this, I’d like to begin this, I never want to this again, I always want to do this. But if you don’t get beneath the hood or the surface, you have no idea why you would turn to it in the first place. And if you don’t understand why you turn towards something, you cannot turn away from it (sting #1). If you don’t know why you watch TV at night before bedtime, you cannot change it. If you don’t know why you sleep instead of going to the gym, you can’t change it.
Looks like there’s a four-part loop that runs majority of your habits. Every habit follows the same pattern.
Trigger—Something happens—i.e. Car accident
Emotion—Feel stressed, anxious, fear, etc.
Behavior—You reach for the habit—smoking, alcohol, eating
Reward—Brain gets relief—Satisfied
The loop then completes and cycle begins again because the brain wants to do it again tomorrow. But if you interrupt just one of those loops, the habit collapses. People say oh I cannot change; I just can’t do it. So hard to make the adjustment or change myself. But the goal is changing the loop, not the person. The loop has become you. Focus on the loop, not on yourself. Change the triggers. Your habit is not the problem the trigger is.
Redesign your triggers… move the phone out of the bedroom, prep your meals earlier, schedule work into smaller portions. Your environment beats your will power every time. Don’t try to fight the habit. Break the loop. Focus on the design part that you can change to shift the direction of where you’re going. Small replacements break big habits.
Forget about goals, focus on the systems instead.
The difference between systems and goals? Goals are more about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the process that leads to those results.
Now, I can see why people maybe questioning this: Are goals not good? I’d disagree. Goals are good for setting the direction; however, systems are used for making progress towards the goal. The issue is that people tend to put extensive energy on the goal, but not much strength on designing our systems. A goal changes your life for the moment. We tend to believe that we need to change the result, but they are not the problem. The systems are what we need to focus since that is what causes those results. Everything else will align where it’s supposed to be.
If your goal is to lose weight: awesome. If you gather all your energy to get in the car and go to the gym to get a workout in, you will be satisfied for that moment. But if you sustain the same lazy routine that cost you so much to get you out of the couch, you will fall back to your slothful methods hoping you will get another burst of motivation again. You may have a tendency of chasing the same outcome due to not altering the system behind it. I’ve done this multiple times. If I hit a homerun, if I run 5 miles under 30min, if I lift certain weights at the gym, if I get the girl, then I’ll be happy and relax. This can lead you into two ends of the scale—either you’re successful to achieve the goal or a failure and revert to disappointment (sting #2). No gray area. When you focus on the process (gray area) more than the product, you will reside in a continual state regardless. You can be satisfied anytime within the system while it’s doing the work.
A caution for me was putting all my energy on an element (end goal), that lead me to finish there without continuation. Saying ‘I did it’. As if the motivation is lost due to solely focusing on the goal. What would be left to push me forward after accomplishing it? Guess I can see why people would resort back to old habits (sting #3). It is about a sequence of endless enhancements and continued improvements. The commitment to the process will determine your progress. When it comes to my habits, I have to remind myself that the problem isn’t me, but my systems. The habits will repeat themselves over and over not because I don’t want to change, but due to incorrect systems or structures for change.
Another lesson learned, is a lot of the habits have to do with our environments. When things are visible or stand out—cues, you’re likely to make them obvious. If you want to read more, place the book at the center of your coffee table or next to your nightstand. On the negative side, a smoker may be tempted due to their surroundings—stuck in traffic, seeing a friend smoke, seeing a smoking sign, etc. People may tend to drink more when out in public or social settings—the earshot of laughter, glasses clinging together, the sound of the bartender mixing a drink, seeing the beers on tap, watching friends order drinks etc. Good habits can work with adding healthy triggers around your surroundings as this will increase the odds you will think about those habits more. Our minds tend to assign habits to the location(s) where they occur. Locations tend to develop a connection based on the relationship to them. They key is not to associate solely on the objects within the environments as much as the type of relationships you have with those objects. For me the bed is my reading time before calling it a night. For another person, the couch maybe the time needed for meditation, and another person the couch maybe video games time with a bucket of ice cream. This can be tied to the memories associated with and thus create different habits.
Along with the environments we inhabit, the people we surround ourselves with—our social environments—have a huge impact on us. This one I can relate to. I often catch myself imitating the behavior of those around me without even realizing it. In a classroom, I’d find myself speaking like my peers. In past relationships, I’d mimic certain speech patterns. When communicating with someone from a different culture, I’d unconsciously adopt their accent or phrasing. It seems the closer we are to someone, the more likely we are to pick up their habits-creatures of habit eh.
For example, when I worked at Adidas, most of my colleagues were between 18-20 years old. Over time, I began to acclimate to my surroundings and their way of communicating. I found myself speaking at their level—suddenly back in high school mode, lol. I then obtained a corporate job where most of the staff were over 50, with just a few younger colleagues. Almost immediately, I noticed my habits and behaviors shifting as I interacted with them. It was like going from teenager to adulthood in a matter of weeks, haha.
It’s fascinating how much the people around us can shape us, often in ways we don’t even consciously notice. The most powerful transformation doesn’t happen in a moment of triumph; it happens quietly, through consistent action, thoughtful design, and the courage to shape your world to support the life you want. Build your systems. Design your environment. Choose your influences wisely. When you do, progress becomes inevitable, and the life you desire stops being a distant goal—it becomes the natural outcome of what you do every single day.