Midst of Suffering

There’s moments when meeting someone and, without knowing why, you feel safe around them.

It’s rare because they’re the strongest person in the room. They may be wounded. They may be uncertain. They may carry more vulnerability than they know what to do with.

But somehow, they know how to carry it without handing it to you.

Over time, I’ve come to think that much of who we are can be understood through three things: HOW WE LOVE, HOW WE GIVE, and HOW WE SUFFER.

If you watch someone closely, you may begin to see these three everywhere.

You see how they love when they have nothing to gain from it.

You see how they give—whether generously or transactionally, freely or with a tally in their head.
And you see how they suffer: whether their pain makes them more tender, or whether they make everyone around them pay for it.

We often confuse strength with the absence of vulnerability. We call people weak when they are afraid, grieving, uncertain, needy, or hurt. But vulnerability is not weakness. “Weakness” is often just a judgment we place on vulnerability.

Real strength is something else.

It is the ability to carry what hurts without using that hurt as a weapon.

To be heartbroken without becoming cruel.
To be disappointed without becoming vindictive.
To be afraid without making someone else responsible for your fear.
To need someone without possessing them.

I believe this embodies the qualities of a strong individual. Being single and having adequate time to incorporate these principles into my life, I sometimes find myself guilty for not applying them as consistently as I should. However, progress is built through momentum—the willingness to embrace change and adapt in pursuit of a healthier trajectory.

So seek them.

Seek the people who love generously, who give without keeping score, and who can suffer without causing unnecessary damage.

And, more importantly, try to become one.

Because perhaps, in the end, the sum of who you are is not what you have accomplished, what you possess, or even what you are capable of.

Perhaps it is simply this:

HOW YOU LOVE.
HOW YOU GIVE.
AND HOW YOU SUFFER.